“Love seeks one thing only: the good of the one loved. . . . To love another is to will what is really good for him [or her]. A love that . . . loves blindly merely for the sake of loving, is hatred, rather than love, . . . because the goal of such love is not the real advantage of the beloved but only the exercise of love in our own souls. . . . It is not interested in the truth, but only in itself.” — Thomas Merton (No Man Is an Island, p. 5.)
“Loving someone is a very active process. Love is not just a feeling you have; it’s supposed to accrue to the benefit of the loved one.” — David Schnarch, PhD (from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OgAIY0or-hA )
“This book . . . wants to show that love is not a sentiment which can be easily indulged in by anyone, regardless of the level of maturity reached by him. It wants to convince the reader that all his attempts for love are bound to fail, unless he tries most actively to develop his total personality, so as to achieve a productive orientation; that satisfaction in individual love cannot be attained without the capacity to love one’s neighbor, without true humility, courage, faith and discipline. In a culture in which these qualities are rare, the attainment of the capacity to love must remain a rare achievement.” — Erich Fromm (The Art of Loving, p. xvii.)
“To love without knowing how to love wounds the person we love”
“Often, when we say, ‘I love you’ we focus mostly on the idea of the ‘I’ who is doing the loving and less on the quality of the love that’s being offered”
“Understanding someone’s suffering is the best gift you can give another person. Understanding is love’s other name. If you don’t understand, you can’t love.”
“The more you understand, the more you love; the more you love, the more you understand. They are two sides of one reality. The mind of love and the mind of understanding are the same” — Thích Nhất Hạnh (How to Love, pp. 39, 85, 10, & 81).