Author Archives: John

About John

I am a married, 56-year old, Midwesterner, with four children. My primary interest is in leading a very examined and decent and Loving life; my interests that are related to this and that feed into this include (and are not limited to) -- psychology, philosophy, poetry, critical thinking, photography, guitar, soccer, tennis, chess, bridge.

Marriage & the Marriage Vows


We all know marriage (Christian marriage, Catholic Marriage, any religiously sanctioned marriage) involves making sacred promises to another. But do we really get what those promises involve? Do we really understand — meaning grasp, deeply comprehend — that we are … Continue reading

Posted in Love, Love is a Choice, Love is a Commitment, Love is a Decision, Love Is a Verb, Love is an Act of Will, Love is Not a Feeling, Marital Vows, Marriage, Marriage Vows, Personal Growth, Perspective, Spiritual Growth | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Dr. Tori Olds’ Interview with Dr. Stan Tatkin, Founder of PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy)


(My abridged transcription. Parentheses and bold and italics are mine.) Let me start with things that are true about the human primate. We are threat animals: if we do anything really really well we are good at scanning for threat … Continue reading

Posted in Dr. Stan Tatkin, Dr. Tori Olds, Emotional Maturity, Growing Up, Intimate Relationships, Love is Not a Feeling, Mature Love, PACT - Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy, Personal Growth, Self-Awareness | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Is Your Heart Like a Cup or Like a River?


From Zen Buddhist Monk Thich Nhat Hahn’s book “How to Love” — “If you pour a handful of salt into a cup of water, the water becomes undrinkable. But if you pour the salt into a river, people can continue … Continue reading

Posted in Conscious Love, Ego, Emotional Maturity, Intimate Relationships, Love is a Choice, Love is a Decision, Love Is a Verb, Love is an Act of Will, Love is Not a Feeling, Luke 6:32-35, Mature Love, Personal Growth, Real Love, Self-Extension, Thích Nhất Hạnh, The Examined Life, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

C. S. Lewis on Evil & “Enemy-Occupied Territory”


From C.S. Lewis, “Mere Christianity,” at the end of chapter 2; my abridgement One of the things that surprised me when I first started reading the New Testament seriously was that it talked so much about a Dark Power in … Continue reading

Posted in C.S. Lewis, Courage, Evil, Morality | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

“Only the Best in Us Can Talk About the Worst in Us; What’s Worst in Us Lies About Itself and its Own Existence.


“Only the best in us can talk about the worst in us; what’s worst in us lies about itself and its own existence.” — David Schnarch, author of “Passionate Marriage” and “Intimacy & Desire“ Also from David Schnarch, Ph.D. — … Continue reading

Posted in "The Scarlet Letter", C.S. Lewis, Conscience, Critical Thinking, David Schnarch, Dostoyevsky, Intimacy, Intimate Relationships, Lies, Love, Maurice Nicoll, Nathaniel Hawthorne, Nietzsche, Truth | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

M. Scott Peck on Dedication to the Truth


What follows is my abridgment from pp. 44-62 of “The Road Less Traveled.” The third tool of discipline or technique of dealing with the pain of problem-solving, which must continually be employed if our lives are to be healthy and … Continue reading

Posted in Conscience, Courage, Honesty, Lies, Love, M. Scott Peck, Self-Awareness, Spiritual Growth, The Road Less Traveled, Truth | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Ego (Ego, Self-Love, Lies, Darkness v Truth, Love, Light, Conscience)


Some thoughts on the ego. First, defining the term. The ego as used herein is not used in the sense that Freud used the term ego (rational principle, reality factor, slave of the Id). Instead, the term ego is being … Continue reading

Posted in Conscience, Ego, Einstein, First Epistle of John, Honesty, Lies, Maurice Nicoll, Self-Awareness, Truth | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Lying, from a Buddhist Perspective


(The following is excerpted and adapted and at points slightly modified from Venerable Master Hsing Yun’s book “Being Good: Buddhist Ethics for Everyday Life,” pp. 101-104, the chapter titled “Not Lying.” That same chapter can also be found here — … Continue reading

Posted in Buddha, Buddhism, Lying, Self-Awareness, Spiritual Growth, Truth, Venerable Master Hsing Yun | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

A Ship Lost at Sea


To be completely free from all expectations and demands from others or oneself is to be like a ship lost at sea, a ship without a captain or a navigator. It is to be a ghost ship completely at the … Continue reading

Posted in Bishop Barron, Gurdjieff, Self-Awareness, Spiritual Growth, The Examined Life, Truth | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Genuine Love & Conscience: Truth v Lies


My writings on this blog thus far have largely focused on differentiating Genuine Love — willing and acting towards the best and deepest and highest interests of the other person as an actual distinct and unique human being in their … Continue reading

Posted in Gospel of John, Gospel of Matthew, Love, Love is a Choice, Love is a Commitment, Love is a Decision, Love is an Act of Will, Love is Not a Feeling, M. Scott Peck, Personal Growth, Real Love, Self-Awareness, Spiritual Growth, The Examined Life | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment