Author Archives: John

About John

I am a married, 46-year old, Midwesterner, with four children. My primary interest is in leading a very examined and decent and Loving life; my interests that are related to this and that feed into this include (and are not limited to) -- psychology, philosophy, poetry, critical thinking, photography, soccer, tennis, chess, bridge.

In the Gap Between Stimulus and Response is Where Real Love Occurs

I’ll meet you there (to riff on Rumi). Or better yet: Start meeting your partner there. Choice is sexy. When partners choose when and where and how they want to have sex, that is sexy. When they make a choice to engage … Continue reading

Posted in Character, Conscious Love, Intimacy, Intimate Relationships, Love, Love is a Choice, Love is a Decision, Love is Not a Feeling, Mature Love, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Personal Growth, Perspective, Real Love, Self-Awareness, The Examined Life, Truth, Waking Up, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Quotes on LOVE

. “Love seeks one thing only: the good of the one loved. . . . To love another is to will what is really good for him [or her]. A love that . . . loves blindly merely for the … Continue reading

Posted in "The Art of Loving", David Schnarch, Erich Fromm, Mature Love, Mental Health, Personal Growth, Perspective, Real Love, Thích Nhất Hạnh, Thomas Merton, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Back to back to face to face

Originally posted on :
In session, with a couple.  He does not want to be here. But she’ll end the marriage unless he comes. I ask questions, make little jokes, try to engage him.  But it’s slow going until he finally…

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Fixed-Mindset versus Growth-Mindset: What Mindset Do You Actually Have? Which Mindset Are You Encouraging and Reinforcing in Your Children?

This gallery contains 3 photos.

Originally posted on The Critical Thinking & Examined Life Blog:
? It seems fairly self-evident that the more we ourselves can develop a growth-mindset, the mentally healthier and happier we will be. It also seems self-evident that the more we…

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What Does “I Love You” Mean to You?

What does it really mean when you say “I love you” to your partner/spouse? Does it ultimately mean— “I like/love/am addicted to how you make me feel, I like/love/am addicted to what you do for me because it makes me feel warm, … Continue reading

Posted in Love, Mindfulness, Personal Growth, Perspective, The Examined Life, What is Love? | Tagged , , | 11 Comments

Love Means Opening Yourself Up

. .   A big part of love means consciously opening yourself up to your beloved and sharing with your partner from what’s best in you. This means consciously choosing and risking being vulnerable and trusting your partner and revealing … Continue reading

Posted in "The Four Loves", C.S. Lewis, Conscious Love, Critical Thinking, Love is a Choice, Love is a Commitment, Love is a Decision, Love Is a Verb, Love is Not a Feeling, Mature Love, Personal Growth, Perspective, Real Love, Self-Awareness, Thích Nhất Hạnh, The Examined Life, Truth, Vulnerability, Waking Up, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

How Do You View Your Partner? As a Person, or a Means

The following long and very thought-provoking excerpt is from David Schnarch’s incredible life-changing relationship book “Passionate Marriage.” And to me, the following excerpt is one of the most subtly profound and important passages in the entire book—if not in any book … Continue reading

Posted in Buber, David Schnarch, Kohlberg, Krishnamurti, Passionate Marriage, Schnarch | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

Is it Possible to Lie & Deceive Someone We Love?

Is it possible to lie and deceive someone we love? One of the blogs I read on occasion ( asked a question similar to that asked above. And the short answer is: No, of course not. And the longer answer … Continue reading

Posted in Antilove, Commitment, Immature Love, Intimacy, Kindness, Love, Love Is a Verb, Mature Love, Mental Health, Perspective, Real Love, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

How to Know If You Are REALLY Ready For a Real Relationship

How do you know if you are (or your partner is) really ready for a REAL relationship. Condition 1: You have strong feelings or a strong sense of attraction for another. You are infatuated with him or her. You are … Continue reading

Posted in Character, Commitment, Conscious Love, Critical Thinking, Martin Luther King Jr., Mature Love, Personal Growth, Perspective, Reactive, Real Love, Responsibility, Self-Awareness, Spiritual Growth, The Examined Life, Truth, Waking Up, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments


Originally posted on Dr Bill Wooten:
“When we count our many blessings; it isn’t hard to see that life’s most valued treasures are the treasures that are free. For it isn’t what we own or buy that signifies our wealth.…

Posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments