Category Archives: Intimate Relationships

Dr. Tori Olds’ Interview with Dr. Stan Tatkin, Founder of PACT (Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy)

Posted on December 28, 2023 by John

(My abridged transcription. Parentheses and bold and italics are mine.) Let me start with things that are true about the human primate. We are threat animals: if we do anything really really well we are good at scanning for threat … Continue reading →

Posted in Dr. Stan Tatkin, Dr. Tori Olds, Emotional Maturity, Growing Up, Intimate Relationships, Love is Not a Feeling, Mature Love, PACT - Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy, Personal Growth, Self-Awareness | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Is Your Heart Like a Cup or Like a River?

Posted on December 9, 2023 by John

From Zen Buddhist Monk Thich Nhat Hahn’s book “How to Love” — “If you pour a handful of salt into a cup of water, the water becomes undrinkable. But if you pour the salt into a river, people can continue … Continue reading →

Posted in Conscious Love, Ego, Emotional Maturity, Intimate Relationships, Love is a Choice, Love is a Decision, Love Is a Verb, Love is an Act of Will, Love is Not a Feeling, Luke 6:32-35, Mature Love, Personal Growth, Real Love, Self-Extension, Thích Nhất Hạnh, The Examined Life, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

“Only the Best in Us Can Talk About the Worst in Us; What’s Worst in Us Lies About Itself and its Own Existence.

Posted on November 26, 2023 by John

“Only the best in us can talk about the worst in us; what’s worst in us lies about itself and its own existence.” — David Schnarch, author of “Passionate Marriage” and “Intimacy & Desire“ Also from David Schnarch, Ph.D. — … Continue reading →

Posted in "The Scarlet Letter", C.S. Lewis, Conscience, Critical Thinking, David Schnarch, Dostoyevsky, Intimacy, Intimate Relationships, Lies, Love, Maurice Nicoll, Nathaniel Hawthorne, Nietzsche, Truth | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Lessons and Liberation in Marriage

Posted on June 7, 2023 by John

“In our society, of course, there is no need to become an adult. One may remain—one is exhorted daily to remain—a child forever. “Marriage is pictured as a form of imprisonment, oppression, boredom, and chafing hindrance. Not all these accusations … Continue reading →

Posted in "Marriage Isn't For You", Character, Commitment, Conscious Love, Critical Thinking, Intimate Relationships, Love is a Choice, Love is a Commitment, Love is a Decision, Love Is a Verb, Love is an Act of Will, Love is Not a Feeling, Mature Love, Michael Novak, Personal Growth, Perspective, Real Love, Responsibility, Self-Awareness, Self-Extension, The Examined Life, Truth | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

In the Gap Between Stimulus and Response is Where Real Love Occurs

Posted on March 12, 2016 by John

I’ll meet you there (to riff on Rumi). Or better yet: Start meeting your partner there. Choice is sexy. When partners choose when and where and how they want to have sex, that is sexy. When they make a choice to engage … Continue reading →

Posted in Character, Conscious Love, Intimacy, Intimate Relationships, Love, Love is a Choice, Love is a Decision, Love is Not a Feeling, Mature Love, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Personal Growth, Perspective, Real Love, Self-Awareness, The Examined Life, Truth, Waking Up, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

What Are Your Relationships Based On?

Posted on November 29, 2013 by John

. [W]hat is . . . relationship generally based on? Is it not based on so-called interdependence, mutual assistance? At least we say it is mutual help, mutual aid and so on, but, actually, apart from words, apart from the … Continue reading →

Posted in Emotional Maturity, Immature Love, Intimate Relationships, Krishnamurti, Personal Growth, Perspective, Real Love, Spiritual Growth, The Examined Life, What is Love? | 1 Comment

Love Is a Verb (“I Didn’t Love My Wife When We Got Married—The Real Truth About Love”)

Posted on October 29, 2013 by John

. I am going to reblog a very honest and nicely-written article with the attention-grabbing perhaps even somewhat shocking title of “I Didn’t Love My Wife When We Got Married” (The Real Truth About Love) ” by Elad Nehorai (the … Continue reading →

Posted in "The Five Love Languages", Elad Nehorai, Emotional Maturity, Immature Love, Intimacy, Intimate Relationships, Love is a Choice, Love is a Commitment, Love Is a Verb, Love is Not a Feeling, M. Scott Peck, Real Love, Spiritual Growth, Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, The Examined Life, The Road Less Traveled, Truth, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Only Proactive People Can Genuinely Love Others, Reactive People Can’t (updated)

Posted on January 17, 2013 by John

(The following is abridged and adapted and modified from Stephen R. Covey’s “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change”) Between stimulus and response, human beings have the freedom to choose—but only *if* we develop and … Continue reading →

Posted in "Man's Search for Meaning", "Siddhartha", Conscience, Conscious Love, Courage, Critical Thinking, Differentiation, Emotional Maturity, Hermann Hesse, Immature Love, Intimate Relationships, Love is a Choice, Love is a Decision, Love is Not a Feeling, Luke 6:32-35, M. Scott Peck, Mature Love, Mental Health, Perspective, Proactivity, Reactive, Real Love, Responsibility, Spiritual Growth, Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, The Examined Life, The Road Less Traveled, Truth, Viktor Frankl, Waking Up, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Why Real Love Is So Difficult & Rare (updated 12-26-2012)

Posted on December 26, 2012 by John

. (This is an updated version of a post I first publish on Feb 28, 2012 — “Why Real Love Is So Difficult & Rare“) . . “We have lost our sense of values: when your fence falls, you mend … Continue reading →

Posted in Conscience, Conscious Love, Courage, Czeslaw Milosz, Differentiation, Emotional Maturity, Generosity, Honesty, Immature Love, Intimate Relationships, Love, Love is Not a Feeling, Mature Love, Mental Health, Real Love, Self-Extension, Spiritual Growth, Thích Nhất Hạnh, Thomas Merton, Truth, Waking Up, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Love *Is* Difficult

Posted on November 29, 2012 by John

. Love is difficult. It is difficult to learn how to really love another person. It is difficult to learn how to love oneself. Loving another means caring deeply for that person, being good to that person, wanting the best … Continue reading →

Posted in Difficulty, Immature Love, Intimacy, Intimate Relationships, Love, Love is Not a Feeling, Mental Health, Real Love, Rilke, Truth, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments