Category Archives: Love is Not a Feeling

In the Gap Between Stimulus and Response is Where Real Love Occurs


I’ll meet you there (to riff on Rumi). Or better yet: Start meeting your partner there. Choice is sexy. When partners choose when and where and how they want to have sex, that is sexy. When they make a choice to engage … Continue reading

Posted in Character, Conscious Love, Intimacy, Intimate Relationships, Love, Love is a Choice, Love is a Decision, Love is Not a Feeling, Mature Love, Mental Health, Mindfulness, Personal Growth, Perspective, Real Love, Self-Awareness, The Examined Life, Truth, Waking Up, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Love Means Opening Yourself Up


. .   A big part of love means consciously opening yourself up to your beloved and sharing with your partner from what’s best in you. This means consciously choosing and risking being vulnerable and trusting your partner and revealing … Continue reading

Posted in "The Four Loves", C.S. Lewis, Conscious Love, Critical Thinking, Love is a Choice, Love is a Commitment, Love is a Decision, Love Is a Verb, Love is Not a Feeling, Mature Love, Personal Growth, Perspective, Real Love, Self-Awareness, Thích Nhất Hạnh, The Examined Life, Truth, Vulnerability, Waking Up, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Marriage Box. (Relationships Are About What We Put Into Them, Not What We Get Out of Them)


“Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a … Continue reading

Posted in Anthony Robbins, Love is a Decision, Love Is a Verb, Love is an Act of Will, Love is Not a Feeling, Marriage Box, Mature Love, Mental Health, Personal Growth, Real Love, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Commentary on “Marriage Isn’t For *You*”


. [A] true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?” Some … Continue reading

Posted in "Marriage Isn't For You", Kierkegaard, Krishnamurti, Love is a Choice, Love Is a Verb, Love is Not a Feeling, Marianne Williamson, Mature Love, Personal Growth, Perspective, Real Love, Schnarch, Seth Adam Smith, Spiritual Growth, The Examined Life, The Road Less Traveled, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Love Is a Verb (“I Didn’t Love My Wife When We Got Married—The Real Truth About Love”)


. I am going to reblog a very honest and nicely-written article with the attention-grabbing perhaps even somewhat shocking title of “I Didn’t Love My Wife When We Got Married” (The Real Truth About Love) ” by Elad Nehorai (the … Continue reading

Posted in "The Five Love Languages", Elad Nehorai, Emotional Maturity, Immature Love, Intimacy, Intimate Relationships, Love is a Choice, Love is a Commitment, Love Is a Verb, Love is Not a Feeling, M. Scott Peck, Real Love, Spiritual Growth, Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, The Examined Life, The Road Less Traveled, Truth, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

When It Comes to Love & Your Relationships Are You Committed or Just Interested?


. . There’s a difference between being interested in something and being committed to something.  When you’re interested in doing something, you do it only when it’s convenient.  When you’re committed to something, you make the time to do it. … Continue reading

Posted in Kenneth Blanchard, Love is a Commitment, Love is Not a Feeling, Mature Love, Mental Health, Personal Growth, Real Love, Spiritual Growth, The Examined Life, Truth, Waking Up, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

Only Proactive People Can Genuinely Love Others, Reactive People Can’t (updated)


(The following is abridged and adapted and modified from Stephen R. Covey’s “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change”) Between stimulus and response, human beings have the freedom to choose—but only *if* we develop and … Continue reading

Posted in "Man's Search for Meaning", "Siddhartha", Conscience, Conscious Love, Courage, Critical Thinking, Differentiation, Emotional Maturity, Hermann Hesse, Immature Love, Intimate Relationships, Love is a Choice, Love is a Decision, Love is Not a Feeling, Luke 6:32-35, M. Scott Peck, Mature Love, Mental Health, Perspective, Proactivity, Reactive, Real Love, Responsibility, Spiritual Growth, Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, The Examined Life, The Road Less Traveled, Truth, Viktor Frankl, Waking Up, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Love, the Feeling, versus Love, the Capacity (Immature Love versus Mature Love, part 2)


. A properly (or fully) developed human being is a Loving human being. Love, ultimately, is a capacity. A capacity that develops as the result of developing many other capacities and virtues and behavioral predispositions. Some of these are of … Continue reading

Posted in chapter 13, Conscience, Conscious Love, Courage, Differentiation, Emotional Maturity, Friendship, Generosity, Gratitude, Honesty, Immature Love, Love is Not a Feeling, Mature Love, Perspective, Real Love, Self-Love, Spiritual Growth, Thích Nhất Hạnh, Truth, Waking Up, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Why Real Love Is So Difficult & Rare (updated 12-26-2012)


. (This is an updated version of a post I first publish on Feb 28, 2012 — “Why Real Love Is So Difficult & Rare“) . . “We have lost our sense of values: when your fence falls, you mend … Continue reading

Posted in Conscience, Conscious Love, Courage, Czeslaw Milosz, Differentiation, Emotional Maturity, Generosity, Honesty, Immature Love, Intimate Relationships, Love, Love is Not a Feeling, Mature Love, Mental Health, Real Love, Self-Extension, Spiritual Growth, Thích Nhất Hạnh, Thomas Merton, Truth, Waking Up, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

C. S. Lewis on Love & Kindness (and the difference between the two)


. . The following is abridged & adapted from C. S. Lewis’s book “The Problem of Pain,” pages 35-44, & 58.  The parenthetical remarks are mine. . Are we not in an increasingly cruel age? Perhaps we are. But I … Continue reading

Posted in "The Problem of Pain", C.S. Lewis, Emotional Maturity, Immature Love, Kindness, Love is Not a Feeling, Mature Love, Perspective, Real Love, Spiritual Growth, Truth, Waking Up, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , | 9 Comments