Category Archives: Schnarch

How Do You View Your Partner? As a Person, or a Means


The following long and very thought-provoking excerpt is from David Schnarch’s incredible life-changing relationship book “Passionate Marriage.” And to me, the following excerpt is one of the most subtly profound and important passages in the entire book—if not in any book … Continue reading

Posted in Buber, David Schnarch, Kohlberg, Krishnamurti, Passionate Marriage, Schnarch | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

Commentary on “Marriage Isn’t For *You*”


. [A] true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?” Some … Continue reading

Posted in "Marriage Isn't For You", Kierkegaard, Krishnamurti, Love is a Choice, Love Is a Verb, Love is Not a Feeling, Marianne Williamson, Mature Love, Personal Growth, Perspective, Real Love, Schnarch, Seth Adam Smith, Spiritual Growth, The Examined Life, The Road Less Traveled, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Thomas Merton on Love


. “Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work.” – Anna Quindlen When we are leading a life based on real … Continue reading

Posted in "The Velveteen Rabbit", 1 John 4:16-18, Anna Quindlen, Chris Rock, Conscious Love, Courage, Emotional Maturity, Intimate Relationships, Mature Love, Mental Health, Real Love, Schnarch, Self-Extension, Spiritual Growth, Thomas Merton, Truth, Waking Up, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

David Schnarch Defines Love


In the first 5 minutes of this short video, David Schnarch, one of the world’s foremost and wisest marriage therapists, talks about Love. . . “Loving someone is a very active process.  Love is not just a feeling you have; … Continue reading

Posted in David Schnarch, Differentiation, Intimate Relationships, Mature Love, Schnarch, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Krishnamurti on Relationships & Self-Knowledge


The following are some of my favorite Krishnamurti quotes and excerpts that I have accumulated over the years. And some of these may include my own amending and modifications, because when I read, I don’t just consider what the author … Continue reading

Posted in Immature Love, Intimacy, Intimate Relationships, Kierkegaard, Krishnamurti, M. Scott Peck, Real Love, Schnarch, Spiritual Growth, The Road Less Traveled, Truth, Waking Up, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

The Learning of Love & Gratitude


. “The hardest arithmetic to master is the one which enables us to count our blessings.” – Eric Hoffer “When it comes to life the critical thing is whether we take things for granted or take them with gratitude.” – … Continue reading

Posted in C.S. Lewis, Conscience, Conscious Love, Courage, Differentiation, Emotional Maturity, Erich Fromm, G. K. Chesterton, Gratitude, Intimacy, Intimate Relationships, James Hollis, Krishnamurti, Love is a Choice, Love is a Commitment, M. Scott Peck, Marianne Williamson, Mature Love, Mental Health, Real Love, Rilke, Schnarch, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, The Road Less Traveled, Waking Up, What is Love?, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Why Marriages and Long-Term Relationships Succeed or Fail


The short answer is: it all comes down to the level of character development of the two people in the relationship and the reason why they entered into the relationship. Deeply decent people have it within themselves to make a … Continue reading

Posted in "The Art of Loving", Conscience, Differentiation, Emotional Maturity, Immature Love, Intimate Relationships, Love is Not a Feeling, Mature Love, Mental Health, Real Love, Responsibility, Schnarch, Spiritual Growth, The Road Less Traveled, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Love & Intimacy: Some Basic Definitions


Intimacy Intimacy means self-revelation.  In other words, intimacy requires self-revelation.  Which means if you think you are in an intimate relationship but you are hiding parts of yourself (whether due to immaturity, trust issues, psychopathology, or for fear of your … Continue reading

Posted in Conscience, Conscious Love, Courage, Dependency, Differentiation, Emotional Maturity, Gratitude, Immature Love, Intimate Relationships, Love, Love is Not a Feeling, Mature Love, Mental Health, Real Love, Responsibility, Schnarch, Self-Extension, Spiritual Growth, Thoreau, Waking Up, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Why Are You In the Relationships You Are In? (On “Right Relationship” . . . For the Bluebird in Your Soul)


Why are you in the relationships you are in? Convenience? Because they’re fun and they make you feel good about yourself and being you? Because the other person supports and accepts and salves you? Why do you choose to let … Continue reading

Posted in Courage, Love, Mature Love, Rilke, Schnarch | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

“Differentiation: The Most Loving Thing You Can Do” (From “Passionate Marriage,” by David Schnarch)


Since differentiation is a complex process that is easily misunderstood, let me offer several important clarifications: People screaming, “I got to be me!” “Don’t fence me in!” and “I need space!” are not highly differentiated people. Just the opposite. They … Continue reading

Posted in Courage, Differentiation, Love, Love is a Choice, Love is a Decision, Love is an Act of Will, Love is Not a Feeling, Schnarch, What is Love? | Tagged , , , | 5 Comments