Category Archives: Dependency

Mature Love v Immature Love


. Erich Fromm, in “The Art of Loving,” wrote, “Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says: ‘I need you because I love you’.” The first statement is based on dependency—I am dependent on you, … Continue reading

Posted in "If You Knew", "Reverence for Life", "The Art of Loving", Albert Schweitzer, Conscience, Conscious Love, Courage, Death, Dependency, Ellen Bass, Emotional Maturity, Erich Fromm, Immature Love, Intimate Relationships, Love, Love is Not a Feeling, Mature Love, Rilke, Spiritual Growth, Waking Up, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Are You *Ready* for a Relationship?


Good relationships don’t happen by “accident.” They’re not just based on chemical attraction, projection, and mutual intoxication that just happens to last for years and years. Good relationships require something more: they require fundamentally good and decent people. When two … Continue reading

Posted in Conscience, Cullen Hightower, Dependency, Differentiation, Mature Love, Mental Health, Real Love, Responsibility, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Why Real Love Is So Difficult & Rare


“We too often love things and use people when we should be using things and loving people.” “We have lost our sense of values: when your fence falls, you mend it; when your friendship fails, you run.” – Nathaniel Hawthorne … Continue reading

Posted in Conscience, Courage, Dependency, Differentiation, Emotional Maturity, Generosity, Love is Not a Feeling, Martin Luther King Jr., Mature Love, Mental Health, Real Love, Self-Extension, Spiritual Growth, Thomas Merton, Truth, Waking Up, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , | 38 Comments

Dedication to Truth & Love versus a Dedication to Comfort & Lies & a Lack of Love


Our capacity to love–to truly Love ourselves or our partner or children, et cetera–is inexorably connected to our dedication to truth and reality and to truly growing up.  If we’re not more dedicated to truth than our own comfort, if … Continue reading

Posted in Antilove, Borderline Personality Disorder, Conscience, Conscious Love, Courage, Dependency, Emotional Maturity, Immature Love, Love is a Commitment, M. Scott Peck, Mature Love, Mental Health, Real Love, Self-Extension, The Road Less Traveled, Waking Up, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

The Representative & As Good As It Gets


Most people enter into relationships as a more or less untenable or false version of themselves—the curb appeal version of themselves; what Chris Rock calls the “representative” (see 2:10-2:40 of the following clip — [caution: strong language!])— Relationships—easy to get into, … Continue reading

Posted in "As Good As It Gets", Chris Rock, Conscience, Conscious Love, Courage, Dependency, Differentiation, Emotional Maturity, Gratitude, Immature Love, Intimate Relationships, Love, Love is a Commitment, Love is a Decision, Love is an Act of Will, Love is Not a Feeling, M. Scott Peck, Mature Love, Mental Health, Real Love, Responsibility, Spiritual Growth, The Dalai Lama, Waking Up, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Love & Intimacy: Some Basic Definitions


Intimacy Intimacy means self-revelation.  In other words, intimacy requires self-revelation.  Which means if you think you are in an intimate relationship but you are hiding parts of yourself (whether due to immaturity, trust issues, psychopathology, or for fear of your … Continue reading

Posted in Conscience, Conscious Love, Courage, Dependency, Differentiation, Emotional Maturity, Gratitude, Immature Love, Intimate Relationships, Love, Love is Not a Feeling, Mature Love, Mental Health, Real Love, Responsibility, Schnarch, Self-Extension, Spiritual Growth, Thoreau, Waking Up, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Only Proactive People Can Genuinely Love Others, Reactive People Can’t


(The following is abridged and adapted and modified from Stephen R. Covey’s “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change”) Between stimulus and response, human beings have the freedom to choose—but only if—if—we  develop and exercise … Continue reading

Posted in "Man's Search for Meaning", Conscience, Conscious Love, Courage, Dependency, Differentiation, Emotional Maturity, Immature Love, Love, Love is a Choice, Love is a Commitment, Love is a Decision, Love is an Act of Will, Love is Not a Feeling, M. Scott Peck, Mature Love, Mental Health, Proactivity, Reactive, Responsibility, Self-Love, Spiritual Growth, Stephen Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, The Road Less Traveled, Viktor Frankl, Waking Up, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

M. Scott Peck on Dependency and Borderline Personality Disorder


I define dependency as the inability to experience wholeness or to function adequately and morally without the certainty that one is being actively cared for by another. Dependency in physically healthy adults is pathological. It is sick. It is always … Continue reading

Posted in Antilove, Borderline Personality Disorder, Dependency, Love, Love is a Choice, Love is a Commitment, Love is Not a Feeling, M. Scott Peck, Passive-Dependent Personaility Disorder, The Road Less Traveled, Toxic Parents, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments