Tag Archives: Schnarch

How Do You View Your Partner? As a Person, or a Means


The following long and very thought-provoking excerpt is from David Schnarch’s incredible life-changing relationship book “Passionate Marriage.” And to me, the following excerpt is one of the most subtly profound and important passages in the entire book—if not in any book … Continue reading

Posted in Buber, David Schnarch, Kohlberg, Krishnamurti, Passionate Marriage, Schnarch | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

Why Marriages and Long-Term Relationships Succeed or Fail


The short answer is: it all comes down to the level of character development of the two people in the relationship and the reason why they entered into the relationship. Deeply decent people have it within themselves to make a … Continue reading

Posted in "The Art of Loving", Conscience, Differentiation, Emotional Maturity, Immature Love, Intimate Relationships, Love is Not a Feeling, Mature Love, Mental Health, Real Love, Responsibility, Schnarch, Spiritual Growth, The Road Less Traveled, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Love & Intimacy: Some Basic Definitions


Intimacy Intimacy means self-revelation.  In other words, intimacy requires self-revelation.  Which means if you think you are in an intimate relationship but you are hiding parts of yourself (whether due to immaturity, trust issues, psychopathology, or for fear of your … Continue reading

Posted in Conscience, Conscious Love, Courage, Dependency, Differentiation, Emotional Maturity, Gratitude, Immature Love, Intimate Relationships, Love, Love is Not a Feeling, Mature Love, Mental Health, Real Love, Responsibility, Schnarch, Self-Extension, Spiritual Growth, Thoreau, Waking Up, What is Love? | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Why Are You In the Relationships You Are In? (On “Right Relationship” . . . For the Bluebird in Your Soul)


Why are you in the relationships you are in? Convenience? Because they’re fun and they make you feel good about yourself and being you? Because the other person supports and accepts and salves you? Why do you choose to let … Continue reading

Posted in Courage, Love, Mature Love, Rilke, Schnarch | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

“Differentiation: The Most Loving Thing You Can Do” (From “Passionate Marriage,” by David Schnarch)


Since differentiation is a complex process that is easily misunderstood, let me offer several important clarifications: People screaming, “I got to be me!” “Don’t fence me in!” and “I need space!” are not highly differentiated people. Just the opposite. They … Continue reading

Posted in Courage, Differentiation, Love, Love is a Choice, Love is a Decision, Love is an Act of Will, Love is Not a Feeling, Schnarch, What is Love? | Tagged , , , | 5 Comments